We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
