I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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