32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm both gender and math confused
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
