A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
