Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
