i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
