She said her name was "party"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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