omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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