I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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