People in love make me want to vomit
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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