I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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