do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
