Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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