I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
