i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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