garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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