im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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