One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My life is pants optional.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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