If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
