soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
