I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the day after is always just damage control
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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