I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
