Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
