He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
