Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
