I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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