Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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