but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
