You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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