I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who died my cat blue again?
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