nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize