I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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