wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
