Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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