When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
