forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
