i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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