Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
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