I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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