FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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