You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I smell like Dick and happiness
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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