Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
