i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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