Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
