Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
