Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
