Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
