I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
