i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
