My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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