Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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