Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
