we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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