Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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