I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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