Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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