my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
