There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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