She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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