i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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